What is assertiveness?
- Confidence in oneself
- Self care and assuring oneself
- Maintaining personal Boundaries
- Respecting the other person
- Standing up for and voicing out one’s beliefs and values
- Ability to converse confidently yet politely
What is not assertiveness?
- Displaying aggression in any form (verbal/non-verbal)
- Forcing the other into your viewpoint
- Disrespecting the other person
- Being rude in your conversations
Is not being assertive/not being able to be assertive a bad thing?
Not being assertive by choice is acceptable, however not being able to be assertive conveys certain things about your personality. If the ones around you are saying that you are not assertive, it might be something to look into because it’s quite possible that your boundaries are being disrespected by others.People around us and all of us as humans have a strong sense of controlling the things around us, however, that’s not possible because we all live in a shared space.If people are considering your opinions, values, and belief systems as negligible, it might be time for you to voice out your believed perceptions and convey it to them.This is because you might be flexible in approach but that point is not far away when your views will not be considered at all.This can, in long term, feel suffocating.So the sooner you are conscious of your boundaries being disrespected, the better it is to point it out and voice out assertively whatever you believe is true.
Lack of assertiveness conveys that either you are not in touch with your own opinions and value systems or you are not very confident about your own belief systems and opinions about things.
I believe that I am an accommodating person, but the ones around me have told me that I allow people to just walk over me. Do I have a problem with assertiveness?
Being accommodating and flexible is a great personality trait.But there lies a thin line between being flexible/ accommodating and letting people use you as a doormat.
The difference actually lies in the space from where you approach the expectations of people. If you accommodate people’s beliefs and feelings because you are unable to say no to them or you fear rejection from their side then there is a clear lack of assertiveness. But if you actually value their opinion and feel open to be flexible around their ideas but do not shy away from sharing your own ideas, that is when you have a good sense of assertiveness and humility.