Building your child’s self-esteem: praise plus!
People think giving birth to a child is difficult.The real challenge, however starts when we start raising children.Further, even raising children is not the problem, raising healthy children is one challenge that the modern parents encounter.
Praising children comes as an indispensable act by the parent for the child.Hugging, praising and reinforcing children through gifts, surprises and gestures forms a very important part of mindful parenting.I’m sure these are not capital assets. These are recurrent small investments that parents need to make in the lives of their children.This is the only recurrent investment the return of which is a healthy self esteem of your child in the future.Building self esteem, is easier said than done. It is a skill that one can learn.
Look for opportunities
Just like children look for instances where they can ask for bribes from their parents,in the same way the parents need to look for opportunities to praise their children.Catch them behaving in a good way or acting the way they were supposed to, or were asked to.
“Good Job!”
“Wow! Amazingly done!”
“I am so proud of you!”
“You are my star”
Such verbatim stay as script with the children.What we say about children, they would say about themselves.The inner speech of the child about their own cells is what their parents say about them.Try that, the praises are not conditional.Attaching conditions to praises and love makes the child believe that he or she is unloved if they don’t perform a certain way.
Be their Cheerleader
Pay attention to your child’s strengths.Acknowledge and recognize their efforts and improvement without demanding for any kind of perfection without comparing them with others- siblings and their friends. Acknowledge and praise the process they have been a part of, not merely the goal or the achieved end.
Give them responsibility, trust them
When a parent gives responsibility to the child, in covert words, it says that they trust their child.A parent who inspires their child to try is a parent who acknowledges effort over achievement.Such a child in future will never shy away from trying new things or fear something new.Allow your children to resolve their own problems. This way they will know that you believe in them and trust them with taking the best possible decisions.
Discourage behavior, not the child
Discouraging children to do certain acts, at times, is very important. However, while conducting this action, the parents must ensure that they are just discouraging the act done by the child and not the child as a whole.When we discourage or label any act as bad or wrong, we are initiating an emotion of guilt which is a corrective emotion.This emotion helps the child acknowledge the wrongness of the act and correct it.However, if we are making the child feel bad and saying that the child is bad or wrong, this makes the child associate himself or herself as his or her actions, This way, child feels shameful.Shame is something that will rupture the self of the child and in long run, even wound the personality of the child.
Respect your child
Parental narrative of the child formulates the child’s inner speech about self.When the parents treat their children with respect, they actually are building a foundation for rendering respect from their own kids.The lesson of mutual respect is taught at home.Parents should make their child understand that they are worthy of all the love and respect in the world.A child who feels worthy becomes an adult who knows his or her boundaries and has positive self esteem.
The Results: A Holistically Healthy Child
A child who is treated well and respectfully by his or her parents undergoes a positive parenting and socialization.Such a child grows up into a secure and healthy adult.This adult will also have a high level of self esteem.A child with high self esteem is a child who
Praising children comes as an indispensable act by the parent for the child.Hugging, praising and reinforcing children through gifts, surprises and gestures forms a very important part of mindful parenting.I’m sure these are not capital assets. These are recurrent small investments that parents need to make in the lives of their children.This is the only recurrent investment the return of which is a healthy self esteem of your child in the future.Building self esteem, is easier said than done. It is a skill that one can learn.
Look for opportunities
Just like children look for instances where they can ask for bribes from their parents,in the same way the parents need to look for opportunities to praise their children.Catch them behaving in a good way or acting the way they were supposed to, or were asked to.
“Good Job!”
“Wow! Amazingly done!”
“I am so proud of you!”
“You are my star”
Such verbatim stay as script with the children.What we say about children, they would say about themselves.The inner speech of the child about their own cells is what their parents say about them.Try that, the praises are not conditional.Attaching conditions to praises and love makes the child believe that he or she is unloved if they don’t perform a certain way.
Be their Cheerleader
Pay attention to your child’s strengths.Acknowledge and recognize their efforts and improvement without demanding for any kind of perfection without comparing them with others- siblings and their friends. Acknowledge and praise the process they have been a part of, not merely the goal or the achieved end.
Give them responsibility, trust them
When a parent gives responsibility to the child, in covert words, it says that they trust their child.A parent who inspires their child to try is a parent who acknowledges effort over achievement.Such a child in future will never shy away from trying new things or fear something new.Allow your children to resolve their own problems. This way they will know that you believe in them and trust them with taking the best possible decisions.
Discourage behavior, not the child
Discouraging children to do certain acts, at times, is very important. However, while conducting this action, the parents must ensure that they are just discouraging the act done by the child and not the child as a whole.When we discourage or label any act as bad or wrong, we are initiating an emotion of guilt which is a corrective emotion.This emotion helps the child acknowledge the wrongness of the act and correct it.However, if we are making the child feel bad and saying that the child is bad or wrong, this makes the child associate himself or herself as his or her actions, This way, child feels shameful.Shame is something that will rupture the self of the child and in long run, even wound the personality of the child.
Respect your child
Parental narrative of the child formulates the child’s inner speech about self.When the parents treat their children with respect, they actually are building a foundation for rendering respect from their own kids.The lesson of mutual respect is taught at home.Parents should make their child understand that they are worthy of all the love and respect in the world.A child who feels worthy becomes an adult who knows his or her boundaries and has positive self esteem.
The Results: A Holistically Healthy Child
A child who is treated well and respectfully by his or her parents undergoes a positive parenting and socialization.Such a child grows up into a secure and healthy adult.This adult will also have a high level of self esteem.A child with high self esteem is a child who
- make friends easily.
- Is open to learning.
- Is motivated.
- Is cooperative with others and makes others feel secure around him or her.
- Is creative, imaginative and has unique ideas.
- Is independent and trustworthy
