How to gauge problems with communication?



Some signs of challenging communication skills are:

• If we find others thinking that we have a certain opinion which in reality we clearly don’t
• If we can’t remember what the other person said in the conversation
• If by the end of the conversation you feel that you were not heard or you did not have a chance to convey what you felt
• If you keep getting flashbacks of the conversation and you wish you had responded differently
• If the people around you avoid sharing bad news with you

Why is it that in some areas of our life we are confident in communication and not so confident in others?

The effectiveness of our communication can be diverse.We can be an effective speaker or listener in one facet of our life and not so much in the other facets of life.The reason behind that, again, can be quite diverse.

This might have a lot to do with your confidence in those facets of life and your comfort zones. In our comfort zones we are more confident in our communications than in the facets where we are not so comfortable.

The key to unlocking your confidence in a certain facet of life and to become an effective communicator would lie in improving your worth and initiating ways of accepting yourself in that facet of life by acknowledging what it is that you wish to work towards and what are your vulnerable parts of self in that area. Acknowledgement of vulnerability will give you courage hence making you confident & inturn, improving the effectiveness of your communication.

What are some of the barriers to good communication?

A good communication can be disrupted by several factors.These factors can be pertaining to the context or environment in which the communication is taking place, or can be highly personal.Mostly the factors pertaining to the environment are not in the control of neither the speaker nor the listener.But we can surely work towards improvement of the personal factors to enter into a better quality communication.

• Poor listening skills- Good listening skills are a precursor to a good conversation.
• Gender differences- Many times gender differences act as barriers to an effective communication as it might hamper the intensity of understanding or perspective taking.
• Personal filters- While communicating, we at times end up listening to what we align ourselves with and filtering out the information which we ourselves personally do not align with.This creates gap between the speaker and the listener.
• Personal expectations- When there is a difference of expectations from the conversation by the speaker and the listener respectively, it really impacts the quality of conversation.
• Not being able to tell the truth- When we are unable to express the truth because of the fear that the other person might be holding a different opinion, it hampers the quality of conversation.
• Responding angrily- A reactive angry response might hamper not merely the present conversation, but also the sustainability of the connection you share with the other person.

How to overcome these barriers?

To overcome anything or to head towards any change, the first step is to pause and become aware of what it is that you wish to change. Along with it, being empathetic towards the other person or persons in the conversation is extremely important because it helps us to see their side.

Communication, skill training or social skills training also helps us in understanding the dynamics in our communication, but that is suggested only in cases when there are mental health concerns involved, or high intensity of impairment in the communication patterns.